EXCERPT FROM THE ARTICLE:It’s hard, as with so many things about parenthood, but let’s teach our kids how to cope with disappointment, because it happens. And we won’t always be there to fix it for them. Let’s teach them how they can get things they want through diligence, patience, and hard work.
Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/blog/365/This-Mom-Perfectly-Explains-Why-She-Does-Not-Teach-Her-Kids-To-Share#oforBLZ2ppt5Jgic.99
I’ve jut read this article about parenting and how this parent does not urge her child to practice sharing.
Surprisingly, I can relate to that parent’s view about sharing but in a different way. I agree with sharing, of course. However, I also agree with the concept of waiting, and having self-control. If it’s not yours, and the other kid doesn’t want to share it, then don’t cry yourself out. Accept it. The other kid has every right to do that, it’s his toy. He’ll learn to share too, hopefully, sometime soon. I appreciate kids who share, and I respect those who don’t. That’s theirs, it’s just up to my kid how to be ready when such a situation happens, because IT HAPPENS in life. =)
Sometimes, I feel weird that when a child wants a toy that my son is currently playing with, I don’t want to immediately say ‘share’, well, I do use ‘share’ because it has been automatic for people to say it, but sometimes, what I want to emphasize is ‘wait until he’s done playing or else you’ll just make each other cry or you’ll end up fighting’. I do the same sometimes when it’s the other way around. When My son wants another kid’s toy, I remind my son that it’s not his and that he has to wait until the other kid gives the toy, regardless of what the mom would say. If the mom instructs his kid to share, it’s okay, if she doesn’t, I don’t really mind. I thought I was being mean. It’s not that I don’t want to share the toy, but I also want kids to learn to wait. Unfortunately, this doesn’t always come smoothly as it sounds. Of course, there would be crying sometimes, but I’m happy every time he waits and does not insist on taking the other kid’s toy.
Self-control. By waiting for the other kid to share, he learns not to get other people’s things just because he feels like it. That’s what it’ll be like when he’s out there in the school or when he’s older. People won’t be always as generous as others and I want him to at least be prepared for that. He can’t just ‘take’ things because he wants to play them now or he wants toys to be shared with him when he says so. He’s not their boss, right?! He has to learn how to wait. For a toddler, of course, at this age, this is too idealistic, but if he learns it now, it would be a big bonus for me, as I won’t be bothered in the years to come.
Taking. I use the word ‘taking ‘because often, kids don’t really mean share. What they do is they take the toy and play with it, leaving the other one helpless. Younger ones who don’t get the concept of sharing yet thinks that their parents want them to give the toy to the other person, and that it won’t be returned anymore.
As I’ve said earlier, I agree on sharing especially for kids who are getting older. However, I’ve realized that younger ones who don’t understand sharing can still practise it little by little until they are willing to actually share.
Sharing=taking turns. I’ve somehow found out an almost effective way(with fingers crossed), on how toddlers can start allowing other people to play with their toys and eventually share them. This is effective, especially for toddlers who don’t understand the concept of sharing yet. But of course, be aware that this does not guarantee a 100% good result all the time. It still depends on the mood of the toddlers. If they’re cranky and all, they just won’t understand anything you say. This technique applies to single or toys played individually, because, Legos and blocks are easy to share because, you know, they have many pieces to play with.
Allow one kid to hold the toy for 5-10 seconds and then give it to the other one. Then after 5-10 seconds, return it to the other then on and on. They’ll cry and laugh at first. They’ll cry because they’ll think you gave it to the other one, and they’ll laugh because they’ll be surprised to get it back. Especially if you do it in a fast and funny way. Say “It’s Jacob’s turn!” Then after 5-10 seconds or when the other one is about to cry, give the toy to the other kid, “It’s Sam’s turn!” Do the same routine as you increase the amount of time they hold the toy. Eventually, each kid will realize that they’ll have the chance to play with the toy. They’ll even clap as they anticipate the moment they can hold the toy. After some time, you’ll see both happily playing and ‘sharing’ with the same toy.
Soon, they’ll understand that they’ll still have the toy every time they share. From there, giving would be easier to explain.
I’m sharing this not because my kid has mastered sharing already. No. I’m just sharing what I’ve learned from kids as they play. There are still times when my son would keep his favorite robot away from other kids’ hands and there are those moments when he’d immediately and joyfully offer his toys to kids who enter our house. Prayerfully, he’ll master how to wait for others to share their toys with him and share his toys to others without even shedding a tear.