A Way Out and A Way How

When correcting a child, a mere correction may only lead to REBELLION and DEPRESSION, especially when not provided a reason to change or even the grace or the opportunity to change. A child gets labeled as “naughty“, “bad“, “hard-headed” because he was not given a way OUT, he was NOT SHOWN a way how to be different.

Photo source

One day, while taking care of  a group of kids, a boy about 3 yrs. old kept on hitting the other kids. He would mumble and I even heard bad words coming out from his mouth. The other facilitators kept on scolding, kept on calling his attention, but he still continued.

Then at the peak of his hitting of other toddlers, one of the facilitators, though fed up, gently came to him, took his hands and said to him as she rubs her hands back and forth to his, “Look at me. You know, God made these hands to hug, to love, and to take care of people. These hands are not for hitting. Use these hands to love, okay?” The boy while nodding, completely mellowed down. He was still mumbling a little after that, but at least, he somehow refrained from hitting.

Witnessing that scene drastically transformed how I talked to kids. Back then, my son was just months old, but I’d always look back at that time whenever I need to discipline my sons now. It honestly works. Telling them to just don’t do things without an alternative of what should be done just brings them back to doing the same thing all over again. Telling them what to do instead makes them act towards the good that has to be done.

Even for adults, correction and pointing out mistakes can be very offensive, especially when everything ends in “YOU ARE WRONG!” 

There should always be a FOLLOW-UP, show people HOW and a way OUT. Don’t assume that they always know the right thing to do (If they did, they wouldn’t be in the mess), some are just really clueless on the next steps to take that they end up feeling bad about themselves after revealing to them the wrong things they have done or are doing.

For Christians, we have to be sure to lead people to the cross. Without the message of the cross, the love, the power that can change and turn a man from darkness to light, then the pointing out of sin is simply POINTLESS. =)

Sin can’t tell you how to live. After all, you’re not living under that old tyranny any longer. You’re living in the freedom of God.- Romans 6:13

Let’s not forget grace. Let’s not forget the way out of people’s burdens, chains, and bondages by leading them to the one who has loved and freed them from those things.

So, what now? Use your freedom to serve God and serve others in love.

serve

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Pinterest
  • Instagram

Featured image source: Bank-People-Fighting.jpg

*Photos are not mine. Click the photos for source of images.

28 thoughts on “A Way Out and A Way How

  1. Follow through is important. It can be tough sometimes and as kids get older the techniques need to be adjusted.

  2. Relationship vs Rules. It is very important that we follow up our rules with thorough explanation. Kids must feel that they are loved and supported and that we are here not just to set rules and guidelines but we must help them to understand where are we coming from.. This is inspiring.. Thanks for sharing! 🙂

  3. I used to say “No” and “Stop” especially to my eldest. When she started going to school, I noticed how the teachers encourage positive discipline among the kids and it actually worked. Since then, I “borrowed” the idea and been doing it at home. Effective naman 🙂

  4. I agree with you that it’s not enough to simply tell the misbehaving child to stop. The child needs to know why and should be given options to express his/her feelings. That way, the chances of him/her repeating the wrong done is lesser. I do my best to do this consistently with my kids, too. 🙂

  5. Same with any training- work or at home- follow through is very important. It saddens me when companies would spend big for once a year training. They should at least have a follow through training or meeting after six months, for instance, to check on the progress of the employees.

    1. I also believe in what you’ve said. The follow through in the middle of the year is essential for personal growth and development of employees. =)

  6. Aw, I love how the facilitator handled the situation. I am in the stage of disciplining my toddlers now as well, and I’ve learned that they need to understand the consequences of their actions nga, not just say “don’t do this or that” or “that’s wrong etc.” thay do need to know why was it wrong in the first place… teaching them has opened me up to being more patient and understanding, because they are still just kids, they act out of innocence or instict. Thanks for this wonderful reminder 🙂 it’s worth sharing 🙂

  7. In my case, I am trying hard to be calm and not end up yelling. I am struggling to talk positively and explain why rather than make the child follow me out of fear.

    1. I have had to struggle through this one, too. I made an obedience jar for my children and a gentle words jar for me. We filled them halfway up with pebbles. Whenever they disobeyed, they took a stone from their jar. When I yelled, I took a stone from mine. But when they “caught” me using gentle words when they disobeyed, and I “caught” them obeying cheerfully right away, we would earn stones for our jar. It worked really well, kept everyone accountable, and when the jars were full, we went on a special family outing.

    1. Even I have not been always patient and wise. That’s why I always look at how other parents have done it well, and read materials to somehow have ideas when I’m at my wit’s end already. haha =)

  8. Explaining things to your child on why he can’t do this or can’t have that is better than saying NO.

  9. I super super agree with this. This is how we discipline our boys around 90% of the time, 10% stress and anger gets ahead of me. I’m working on it though! But this should be the way to do it really. Not blaming or shaming the child.

  10. Positive reinforcement can really do a lot when it comes to disciplining our kids. In my case, my son is in his tween years now, and I find that he responds better when we talk to him rather then scold him when he does something wrong.

  11. It takes a lot of patience and love to use a gentle approach when disciplining our children. I loved this article. It reminded me how much we need God to get us through these early years and to fill us with His love.

Share your thoughts: